All About Keys

So, today I have demonstrated the folly of having Schlage locks on all my doors.

When we first bought this house, lo these many years ago, we had new deadbolts on all three doors, and they were Schlage, and they were good. They were all "keyed" the same, a phrase I had never heard before which meant that the same key would work in all three doors. And this was good, as I would never have been able to keep straight which key went to which lock.

The years passed, and our babies grew into middle schooldom, and it came to pass that we did issue a decree that a garage should be built. And it was so, and the access door to the garage was given a lock, and the lock was Schlage.

Which is where the story reaches its tragic arc. For today, out of no ill will, I did attempt to lock the house door with the garage key. They are very very similar in appearance and location on the keyring, and the key did slip into the lock with a smoothness that indicated that it was the correct key.

Only it did not turn.

Worse, it did not come out.

By this point, the dog had picked up his leash and made a bee line for the nearest tree. The clock was ticking inexorably to the hour at which School Lets Out, and I could not free my keys from the door.

I think I remember a fairy tale where an elf gets his beard caught in a wedge of wood, and something very bad happens as he attempts to free himself. I pulled, and I pushed, and I jiggled gently and I wrested with all my strength, but the key would not move: neither forward nor backward nor sideways.

So I slipped it off the keyring and decided to come back for it later. And now I have taken my best pliers to it to get a stronger grip than my mere fingers could provide, and it did not move.

So, given the risk of breaking the key off while still in the lock, I have left it in place,and will ask my Knight In Shining Armor, Mr. Sweetie, if he knows how to free the lock.

And I guess I am painting that sucker orange, so I never do this again.