Friday, July 25, 2008

Oh Realllllly? Or, Get Smart!

So, you know what is really NOT a good idea for somebody with periodic insomnia?

Drinking half a pot of tea at 9 p.m. at a Chinese restaurant!


(Be alert. The world needs more lerts.)

It's Complicated

Captain Sweetie reports receiving this compliment(?):

If I were straight, I would totally fall for you.

Is it? Is it not? I say--hey! Take it as a compliment and move on . . . .

Monday, July 21, 2008

Nation Relieved: New Timewasting Web Site Launched

Spy Magazine used to have a feature called "Separated at Birth" which took unflattering photos of people and put them next to other unflattering people. Yes, I totally stole this for my Separated at Birth series.

Now the Good Folks who brought you cheezburger cats and hot dogs have a (mostly) human site: Totally Looks Like.

bob dylan, snidley whiplash
see famous look-a-like faces

Now you have something else to do other than actual work. You are welcome.

So Now I Have To Change My Name

I spent the weekend visiting my sister in her cute new house in Virginia. (Hi Suefunky!) And I'm feeling all cosmopolitan and c to .ool and fabulous as I just ran out for the weekend and came back on Monday morning and I'm all ready to hop in a cab and drop off my bags and go get my dog from the vet.

Except I upgraded to first class on Sun Country (NB: Price has increased from $89 to $99. Do you get $10 more free drink? Discuss) and because it was a morning flight, I drank Diet Coke instead of alcohol. And, due to the frequent patches of turbulence throughout the flight, the "Fasten Seat Belt" sign is on for most of the flight--except it gets turned off just long enough for the flight attendant to get me more Diet Coke.

Fortunately, I'm in the second row, so I can get off the plane pretty quickly and get to the restroom. And I am literally in there for 34 seconds, when somebody comes in and makes an announcement that "Cate Ross left her ID on the plane. Is there a Cate Ross here?" Okay, I'm here, but I'm in no position (ha ha) to go reclaim my ID at this particular moment. So I call over the door, and I am told to go pick it up from the flight attendant.

But! The news spreads! Because why? I don't know! But every damn woman who comes into that bathroom is worried about this whole ID thing. "Did you hear? Cate Ross left her ID on the plane!" "There's a lost ID. It belongs to Cate Ross!" "Do you think Cate Ross knows she left her ID on the plane?"

I have never been so tired of hearing my own name! By the time I emerge, EVERYBODY knows that I am Cate Ross and I have left my ID on the plane! I'm not watching the local news.

(Actually, I didn't LEAVE my ID on the plane--it was inside my bag, and fell out when I stowed the bag beneath the seat in front of me. I could have happened to anybody! Really!)

Friday, July 11, 2008

Craig Ferguson Rocks My World

My newest celebrity addiction is now Craig Ferguson. Something about his delivery just cracks me up. Maybe it's the accent as well--nothing wrong with a sexy Scottish accent. If he wore his kilt instead of a suit, that could increase his viewers.

Last night, he actually forced me to laugh out loud--sure it was a re-run, and as a result the jokes were somewhat dated, but they got me anyway. They went something like this:

Gay couples can now apply for marriage licenses in California. All I have to say about that is. . . George Clooney, call me.

I think, this whole gay marriage thing is a right wing conspiracy to wipe out gay sex.

I may have to add him to my little list of Imaginary Boyfriends.

In Which I Go All Girl Crush On A Prius

According to the Toyota website, I am number 55 inline to get a Prius.

According to my salesman, who called me yesterday, my Prius is actually on the boat from Japan and should arrive before the end of the month. The secret, for those of you who want to get one before 2010, is to be flexible about the color. It might also help to ask for the Totally Tricked Out Package (TM).

And, although I requested only that the interior be grey instead of beige (which makes me car sick), it turns out that MY Prius is silver, which would have been my first choice anyway.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEE! My Brand New Shiny Car Is Almost Here!

Is It, Or Isn't It?

Muttered at me today in Target by a grizzled 70+ year old African American man, missing at least one front tooth:

"Nice tan. You're starting to catch up."

Compliment, or not? Discuss.