Friday, January 26, 2007

That Devil Rock and Roll, or What Would Jesus Listen To?

Thanks to Sweetney, I have been exposed to this list of dangerous musicians. Because you can't become gay if you never listen to Elton John, I guess.

But I think someone is having us on. If I "know" of any bands that are gay, I should just send an email, and it will be added to the list. As the site admits:

You guys know of a lot more Gay Bands than I do. I can't keep up.

Now, back in the day, any band you didn't like, you called "gay." And let me tell you, there are some really partisan band-haters out there. I am absolutely certain that at least some of the submissions are because "my sister likes this band called xxxx, and they totally suck and are totally gay and so put them on your list."

I mean, even if you accept the premise that sexual orientation is contagious when passed through digital music...does NIH know about this?... calling a band "gay" is more vigorous and healthy discourse than any sort of actual information about personal behaviors of the band members.

John Mayer, for example. I can't stand him. Absolutely have to turn the station to ANYTHING when his songs come on. He's got a wimpy little voice and a wimpy guitar and a whiny set of lyrics and...oh, he's dating Jessica Simpson? I hate her too. GAY!

Frank Sinatra? FRANK FRICKIN' SINATRA? What did he ever do to make ANYONE think he was gay. Must have been submitted by a Tony Bennett fan with a grudge.

Cole Porter? Oh yeah, gay for sure, no surprise there. But who listens to Cole Porter anymore who isn't already at least 40? Wait while I go check YouTube for Cole Porter videos, cause I wouldn't want any kids listening to that stuff.

Wilson Philips? Three girls singing soft and soapy harmonies? Oh yeah, that's the kind of stuff your sister listens to and therefore it's GAY!

Red Hot Chili Peppers? "What I got you gotta give it to your mama"? The band who went out onstage wearing nothing but a single strategically placed athletic sock each? Is that literally "gay," or just metaphorically "gay?" And how can you tell?

The Rolling Stones? The Doors? Lou Reed?

Feel free to post a comment about your own incredulous response to this list--or, add your own most hated music to the list! Al Stewart, "The Year of the Cat" anyone?

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