Golden Globes Are Shiny Too

I am a fan of Awards Season. I love watching Awards Shows. I love to see truckloads of pretty people in the prettiest of pretty clothes wearing pretty (and shiny!) diamonds to a happy event. Everybody is smiling! Even when they don't win! And they have all taken care to put on their best make-up and their best hair and their best (well, maybe they are saving their BESTEST best for the Oscars, but still) and prettiest clothes and they come out and show us how pretty they are!

It's never about who wins, for me. Television shows? I don't watch TV so much. Not because I'm a snob, or think there is something wrong about watching TV--I don't! It's just that, well, there's this thing called the Internet. . . you may have heard of it. . .and, well, TV just takes too long.

Yes, I know, I'm missing great stuff on TV. People tell me so, and I bet it's true. Veronica Mars and Grey's Anatomy and Battlestar Galactica and 30 Rock and Ugly Betty and a buncha other stuff. Even I think I'd like these shows. It's just that, well, I keep not sitting down to watch these shows. Like, I forget to, sometimes, or else I figure I'll get it on DVD. Someday. Maybe.

Oh, and movies? I like movies! I've even seen some movies! In the theaters! That weren't animated! Just not the ones that ended up being nominated for Pretty and Shiny Awards.

But that's okay! Because I can keep up on the Internet with who the stars are and which ones are the Important movies and which ones have been unfairly overlooked. And which ones have George Clooney in them.

Then, I watch the Awards Shows and I feel connected to popular culture and I buy the People Magazine that shows all the Pretty Clothes and the Clothes That Prove Somebody's Stylist Is In The Devil's Pay. Plus, I read Go Fug Yourself, which is the very very best of all the Internet fashion critiques and the only problem with it is that Jessica and Heather seem to have real jobs that prevent them from posting 24/7.

So, when I say what I'm about to say, I realize that I am showing myself to be really old for this kind of thing, but, seriously? Have you looked at what People Magazine calls the "Worst" of the dresses for this year's Golden Globes?

Take Cameron Diaz. Okay, I'm not crazy about this dress. I already don't like her black hair, as I think it overwhelms her coloring and washes out her sparkling (shiny!) blue eyes. And this dress doesn't really do anything for her--it doesn't play up her skin, or show off her lanky athletic good looks, or anything like that, but...worst? Come on!

Same with Nicolette Sheridan. I remember when "The Sure Thing" came out, and also "Paper Dolls" and I remember realizing with a sinking heart that "I'll never look like that." Nowdays, I look at Ms. Sheridan and realizing my New Year's Resolution is, once again "I'll never look like THAT!" Seriously, Girlfriend looks like she caught her face in a kitchen shrink wrapping accident. Like she got the same face lift Katherine Helmond got in Brazil. But her dress? Surely not a "Worst!" You might not like it, but really?

No, let's take a look back to the Golden Age of the Worst Dressed. Let's look back at the days when Kim Basinger "designed" the dress she wore to the Oscars. Let's look at the Folies Bergere bicycle shorts Demi Moore wore. Let's remember Bjork's swan dress. And let us get down on our knees and be grateful that even Rinko Kinkuchi's dress just makes us want to replace our shower poufs.