So, I saw this movie at a matinee. The theater had maybe ten people in it, which may have affected the group dynamic affect of the movie. But, this is going to be a short review, because I already lost two and a half hours of my life to it: I don't want to waste any more. And you shouldn't either. So, here are the Top Ten things you need to know about Dreamgirls.
1. Boy, that Beyonce is sure pretty.
2. 1960s groups like the Temptations and the Supremes are a good reminder that "bands" that don't play any instruments and only dance aren't just an invention of the 1990s. I'm talking about you, 'NSync and Britney.
3. Boy, 1970s fashions sure were ugly, even when worn by pretty people.
4. That Beyonce sure can wear make-up.
5. That Thing You Do told the same story with better music--even the stuff Tom Hanks wrote.
6. When you gear up the orchestra to 11 every thirty-seven seconds, it's hard to tell which song is supposed to be the show-stopper.
7. Good tailoring is essential to career development. Beyonce's dresses are just a fraction of an inch shorter, a fraction of an inch deeper cut in the neckline, a fraction of an inch tighter than Jennifer Hudsons, which gives her just that much more boobage and that much more glam. If Hudson's dresses actually hit her at her waist--instead of just above it--and took advantage of her ample cleavage--instead of providing full 18 hour coverage--she'd look less frumpy.
8. One good facial expression is enough for an Oscar. Helen Hunt won hers for As Good As It Gets for the chase of expressions across her face in the one scene where she goes from tolerating Jack Nicholson to hating him. Eddie Murphy got his this year for the one expression where Jamie Foxx tells him he can't release his duet with Beyonce, and Murphy realizes he has no more hope. He might even win it too, because (SPOILER!!!) he then goes on to OD. Dead guys win Oscars.
9. If you are going to see a movie where you check your watch every fifteen minutes to see if it's over yet, go see it in a theater that will give you a free refill on you Diet Coke.
10. Did I mention that Beyonce is really really pretty?
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