OMG, how did this happen? I missed the SAG Awards! I hate missing awards--all those shiny pretty people wearing fabulous clothing and jewels and standing still so I can judge them for tiny slips and mistakes while I'm wearing some really old jeans and picking nail polish off my fingers!
Okay, maybe I got distracted by the Oscar nominations and just forgot to pay attention to all the other awards being bunged about like bread at The Drones--oh hey look! Shiny!
But my mistake shouldn't make you suffer, so let's go to the Judgmental Clothing Blog! SAG edition!
Angelina Jolie: Is this dress too boring? It's too boring, isn't it? I knew I should have gotten out of bed earlier so I didn't have to wear my bedsheets tied on with a shoe lace.
Brad Pitt: "I am very drunk, and I intend on getting still drunker before the end of the evening."
Angelina: The shoelace doesn't show, does it? And nobody can see the bunny slippers I forgot to change, right?
Brad: "You still think you're the cutest trick in shoe leather."
Angelina: I don't know--it looked all right at home, but now it's just. . .just. . .blah. I'll lose my reputation as one of the best dressed women in Hollywood.
Brad: "With enough courage, you can do without a reputation. "
Angelina: I don't even have on any lipstick. I think I was going for subtle, but now I look like I've just eaten off my make-up or something.
Brad: "I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how. "
Angie: (fretting) And I don't have any jewelry on. At least I did something with my hair, or everyone would just assume I'm tired and pregnant again and I just don't care. I was busy, okay? I have. . .four, five. . .how many children do we have now? Anyway, I'm a mother, and sometimes being a mother means you end up going out looking tired.
Brad: "A cat's a better mother than you."
Angie: So, at least you are here with me, so I don't have to do the "who are you wearing" interviews by myself
Brad: "You go into the arena alone. The lions are hungry for you."
Angie: Stop that! Just because you can grow a cheesy mustache and scrunch your eyebrows up like that, you are not the Second Coming of Clark Gable, so stop quoting from Gone With the Wind. You aren't going to remake that movie and you are just getting annoying.
Brad: "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."