School House Rant

The Hobbled Runner has a post about his frustration with public schools. I feel his pain, even though the kidlets are in a private school--it doesn't solve everything. Sure, it's a First World Problem, but that doesn't make it less important to my life and my kids.

School has been a wonderful thing for the Pony--taking her to kindergarten was like releasing a fish into water. She just swam away into her element. And the school has continued to be an excellent fit for her; academically challenging, good social support, teaching style that matches her pencil-and-paper strengths.

The Bunny, not so much. She's more "hands on" in her style. At the Science Museum, for example, Pony would read the instructions and then perform the experiments: Bunny would push buttons to see what would happen. She's plenty smart, and very capable, but if it doesn't capture her interest, it's hard for her to stay focused. We're working with some excellent psychologists on the ADD thing, and she's doing just fine. It's just not the perfect fit it is for the Pony.

But, when you have your kids in private school, sometimes the sense of entitlement gets magnified. You find yourself saying things like "I pay $xxxxx a year for this?!?!?!?" Whatever "this" is--it rankles to be paying for something that is unsatisfactory. Bunny's school was closed for two days this past week due to a malfunctioning boiler--and some parents were absolutely furious. One parent even took the annual tuition divided over the instructional days and calculated how much it cost him for the school to be closed those two days.

Sure, it's sad that he was that bitter, but I can understand it. It is expensive to pay for tuition, and if you kid isn't getting what s/he needs, you might as well not get it for free. In public schools. Because then you can spend that $xx,xxx per year on enrichment opportunities. Which happens a lot even which the tuition payments.

Some people hire tutors to get their kids up to speed in specific academic areas. There's private music lessons, language lessons, art classes, dance, sports, all kinds of opportunities to get what your kid doesn't get in school. Or doesn't get enough of. Or is simply interested in getting more of than is available during a school day.

And there is an eerie pressure to do so, since so many kids do. I'm no Type A parent, but when your child comes home and says that "Susie is taking riding lessons, and can I too?" I, at least, want to say "yes." And there are plenty of Type A parents in the school--usually women who have left high powered careers to parent full time, but still carry their Fil-O-Faxes (TM) for playdates and afterschool activities. Which, if you are going to do anyway, you might decided to just save the tuition and send the kid to public school for the basics.

Which is a perfectly valid option, and one that we have looked at. I mean, some of our friends have looked at the annual tuition, converted that into a mortgage payment (in a good school district) and have decided to invest in property. Which does appreciate. Unlike tuition, which is pure consumption, really.

But--it's the right place for us for many reasons. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's imperfections are particularly galling because we are paying for the aggravation. But, it's been outstanding for the Pony, it's been very good for the Bunny. Both girls are well behaved and smart, and are the kind of kids who don't really make trouble--and so would probably be overlooked in a public school classroom. At their school, they are SEEN and KNOWN. There are two full time teachers in each of the K-5th grade classrooms, plus specialists for music, art, Spanish, computer, gym, and library. They start and end each week with school wide assemblies, where they are exposed to activities in classrooms and mini-courses where they are not themselves involved. The kids are from well educated families, most of which are intact--there are surprisingly few divorces in the school community, and even where there are, all the blended parents are usually involved in conferences and school stuff.

If there are things that are troublesome, there are fewer levels of bureaucracy to work through to get changes--if they can be gotten. Some things just take a long time--and if change does come, it can still come after your child is no longer at the school.

So, is there an answer? Home-schooling, but let me tell you, you do NOT want a depressive woman trapped at home with her kids...it's a recipe for homocide. Plus, if there is something I can NOT do, it's recreate the social atmosphere of a room full of peers--it is just not possible. And there is much to be learned about getting along in the world that comes with a school full of similarly aged kids.

Academics are important, no question. And part of the importance of properly challenging kids is so the don't become bored (or, conversely, overwhelmed) so that they learn to hate learning and school. Because, unless the world changes radically in the next few months, our kids are going to have to face a minimum of 17 years of school, plus graduate work. But academics are really only part of the story. This year, it seems, all the Pony's teachers agree that only about half of school is about the academics--at least for 7th graders. The other half is social, and that is JUST as important as the academics.

Boy, this was a long post--but it is about something that all parents think about, long and hard. Back when I was a kid, you just went to the school that was in your neighborhood. In some cases, you maybe went to the Catholic church in your parish. Some people moved in order to get into certain desireable districts, but there was not all this hand-wringing about getting the "right" education. Maybe our generation needs to lighten up--our kids will learn something, and there's no telling what they'll really need to know 15 years from now. Fifteen years ago, there were no Website designers, no content providers, no e-commerce gurus...fifteen years from now, what our kids will need to know might just be what they can learn from being in a school environment--how to think critically, how to decided what they want and how to get it, how to operate in ossified bureaucracies. Maybe the best thing we can do for our kids is to just get out of their way and let them find their own paths.

Yeah. Right.