Monday, November 12, 2007

Survival of the Fittest

As the sun rises over the Serengeti, we see the eternal struggle for survival. Nature, red in tooth and claw, demands that its creatures confront their natural enemies each and every day.

The gazelle knows that it must run, or be eaten by the lion. The lion knows that it must run, or the gazelle escapes and the lion does not eat. Whether predator or prey, each morning dawns with the imperative to run in order to reach another day.

Here at Chez Evil, the Mistress rises to confront her natural enemy: the closet.

What the hell am I going to wear today?

Occasionally, Nature throws new and greater challenges in the path of survival. Drought, perhaps, and both hunter and hunted must suffer without water. Stampede, perhaps; dangerous to be in the path of the stampede, with risk of famine after it passes, having trampled the vegetation to the ground. Even, occasionally, Nature presents the challenge of a "black tie event." At these times, the herds must move far from their usual haunts to meet the demands of survival.

This is Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. New and Improved! With real stories of real battles for survival!

So, when confronted with a "Black & White Ball, creative black tie" event, even I, the Mistress of All Evil, can be flummoxed. After all, doesn't everyone wear black to everything anyway? Certainly the last several events--over the last several years--I have worn black. Mr. Sweetie's tux is black. What is the point of a "Black and White Ball" when everyone does that anyway?

Okay, based on the windows at the mall, girls wear colored dresses to prom. But other than that?

So, the emphasis is on creative? How creative can one be when shopping in Minnesota? Sure, I could wear this, but it's really not my culture, and I don't have the abs for it.

[Imagine photo of slim Indian woman in a smoking cool black sari, edged with fabulous silver threads and shot through with silvery stars.]

I have seen the sort of thing I am looking for, but you can't get it in stores. Unless you live in Hollywood.

So, while my assistant is subduing and radio tagging the rhinoceros, I am taking the helicopter and going shopping today.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Original really creative earrings would meet the criteria?