Sunday, November 18, 2007

Sexiest Man Alive? Really?

People Magazine does this every year--annoints a new movie star as "sexiest man alive." Well, excuse me, but did George Clooney die already? Brad Pitt? Any of the other dozen or so "former" sexiest men alive?

Have they even seen Mr. Sweetie in a tux?

I didn't think so.

Say what you will about Matt Damon, but this picture? Sexiest man alive? Sexiest Ford dealership employee, maybe, or sexiest CPA as they appear at 12:01 a.m on April 16th. This is not the picture of a man who makes women sigh and fan themselves by his mere appearance. This is the face of the guy who wrote $150 million dollars of new flood insurance policies the day before Hurricane Katrina hit, and hadn't even gotten the first premium payment.

This is a man looking some sort of ruin in the face, and deciding whether to jump out the window, lock himself in the garage with the car running, or using a handgun. This is the kind of guy Fountains of Wayne wrote about on Welcome Interstate Managers.

Thanks, but I'll take Clooney. Or Mr. Sweetie in a tux. Or both.

But, have you ever thought what would happen if Charlotte Bronte's beloved fictional character married Matt Damon's amnesiac covert operative?

She'd be Jane Eyre-Bourne!

Thank you, thank you. Tip your waiters, and tell all your friends I"ll be here until Thursday!

1 comment:

~moe~ said...

I'm totally with you! Except maybe the Mr. Sweetie part - 'cause he's all yours girl. But all the pictures I've seen of Matt Damon in conjunction with this announcement have looked awful! And who picks the guys? I totally would have picked George over Matt. George has gotten better looking with age.

People sucks sometimes.