Those Were The Days, My Friend, I Feared They'd Never End

I was out with the kidlets today at a discount theater to watch Robots, which we had not yet seen. It hadn't struck anyones fancy at full price, but at $2 a pop, we were willing to try it.

Also in the theater was another mom with two children--I'm guessing the boy was 4 and the girl was 2. The mom sat the boy on the end against a wall, the girl in the middle, and herself on the end. The boy protested "But I wanna sit next to you too!"

Mom: (firmly) No. That's not going to work.

Girl: I don't want to sit here!

Mom moves girl to the end by the wall, herself in the middle, boy on the outside.

Boy: I want to sit there, by the wall.

Mom: (still firm, and still reasonable) No. Your sister needs to sit there.

Girl: I want that seat!

Mom puts boy at the wall, girl in the middle, herself at the end. Everyone smiles.

I look over at my two kidlets, sitting together quietly, reading books until the lights go down. Things do get better as they get older sometimes, don't they?

Which made me think about how hard parenting really is. You have to be so attentive to each detail, each moment, that it is hard to see anything like a big picture. This mom was firm and kind, and yet she totally gave in to the kids' demands, even after she already said "no."

As a bystander, I have the luxury of trying to figure out what that teaches the kids--"no" doesn't mean "no," so keep asking, but if you are reasonable about your requests they can get granted? There was no whining, no voices were raised, yet the mom was only marginally in charge. Was that a bad thing, though?

I visited a dear friend of mine earlier this week, and took my two kidlets and the new puppy to visit her new house and her two kids, ages (almost) 6 and 4. She was amazing! The house was tidy--the kid mess was confined to the lower level, which left large living areas as adult friendly. The kids were excited by the visit--new people and a new puppy--and yet the prevailing atmosphere was of calm, and quiet. The kids were attentive to us, kind to the puppy, they didn't pull or tug or rile the puppy up, but sat and let him come to them. They shared their toys with each other and with my girls, and we found the 6 year old and my 8 year old in the play area sharing computer games with each other.

There was a brief time out, that was preceded by a calm warning, a quiet enforcement of the rule, the setting of a kitchen timer, and the child re-emerged when the bell rang. No fighting, no upset, just calm establishment of the rules and consistent follow-through.

Thank God I was already past that stage with my kids, or I would have simply given up in awe and amazement. Calm I can do pretty well, usually. Rules--I'm not so good and stating, and even worse at enforcing. My friend was calm and organized, her children were well behaved and adorable--not in the least shy, not attention seeking, just little people with a great start on their lives. I totally don't know how she does it. I can only seek to learn from her example.

And yet, I bet if I asked her, she would be convinced that "everybody else" does a better job at balancing their lives than she does. She has no idea how amazing she is.

Because she is living in the moment to moment life you live when the kids are little. I know I had no perspective about what I was doing most of the time--I was just trying to do my best with whatever I had at any particular moment. I think that was what the mom at the movie was doing too.

And as I look at my kidlets--as I see them maturing and growing into such delightful people--I have to think that sometimes, that was enough.