My Name Is Macbeth

Tonks' English teacher played this in her class--because Shakespeare was the Eminem of the 16th century.



And, thanks to the creator, Mitch Benn, here are the lyrics:


(MY NAME IS) MACBETH


I wanna tell you a story full of blood, murder and death
(My Name is) Macbeth
I was the baddest motherf- in Scotland
Whichland? Whereland? Wholand? Whatland?
I won a battle at the head of my legions
Showing my allegiance, slapping down Norwegians
Bearing a grievance, they came to attack
But ain't nobody gets to f- with Big Mac
On my way home I ran into these three mystic bitches
Of a kind that in those days were commonly referred to as witches
And they gave me some big news I had not been seeking
They told me that one day I would eventually be king
They got the other part right about being Thane of Cawdor
And I started thinking thoughts that I knew I didn't oughta
I shared the good news with my good lady
I was getting kinda scared but she stayed slim & shady
She said "What do you owe this king? Why you wanna be so nice to him?"
"If you'd left it up to me I already woulda iced him"
She was going on and on, frankly it was starting to bore me
And i think it was about then I saw a dagger before me
If there's one thing I just can't stand, it's naggers
So I done the deed and she ditched the daggers

(My name is, my name is, my name is)
Macbeth

Hi (my name is) What? (my name is) Who? (my name is)
Macbeth

Now I had the crown but I didn't feel like no winner
Whacked my best buddy Banquo, guess who came to dinner
Went back to the witches, this time they did not expect me
Some spirits gave me some knowledge they said would protect me
They said "You're cool till the trees come attackin' your castle
"And watch out for Macduff", man, I knew he was an asshole
"Though your deeds may be dark and your doings despicable,
By man born of woman, yo' ass is unkickable"
I came swaggering home with my new information
And had Macduff's family murdered by way of celebration

Hi (my name is) What? (my name is) Who? (my name is)
Macbeth
Hi (my name is) Hail! (my name is) Avaunt! (my name is) See you!
Macbeth

Now Malcolm was the name of the old king's son
And on the day I done his dada in, to England he had run
And ever since then, well I hadn't heard jack
But now he was back to attack and harrass the Mac with a pack of Sassenachs!
My knees were knockin' my head was hurtin'
My defences were down, my troops were desertin'
I strapped on my armour, my mood was improvin'
Till some kid said "check it out, dude, the trees are movin'"
The thanes were a strain on my brain, they were feeling the pain, they
decided they didn't haveta
My lady went crazy and done herself in, she shoulda died hereafter...
There mighta been a time to feel some pain or sorrow
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
Hey Macduff what is your problem man, where is it that you get off?
You break into my castle tryin' to cut my -kin' head off?
Yeah give it your best shot, Lay it on, you nut
No man born of woman can kick this butt
Turns out my charm didn't offer no protection
Motherf- was delivered by caesarian section...
That's the last you'll hear from me, all things being equal
Unless some dumb motherf- decides to write a sequel.