Monday, February 09, 2009

Grammys 2009!

I know you are all just dying to hear my take on this year's Grammy Awards. I have promised myself I will not go full metal geezer about all the musicians I've never heard of before, because why? Because you already know I'm old, with a cold, dead heart, so why beat a dead horse.

Unless it's for fun.


The Famille Evil was out doing stuff yesterday afternoon, and suddenly-there, on the large screen TV in the sports bar/restaurant--were my boys! U2! World premiere (so far as I know) live performance of "Get On Your Boots." Album isn't even out yet, but who cares? If you can open your show with U2, you do!

By the way, it's an awesome song, and the album comes out just in time for everybody to buy it for my birthday.

I left the table and went across the restaurant to get the best view I could, and Cpt. Sweetie joined me, leaving the Jeune Filles Evil to their own evil devices. However, the restaurant still stands, so it's all good.

After that, I missed a lot, what with the travel back to the castle on the mountain top, having to stop and destroy a couple of lives on the way--Evil travel sometimes takes extra time, so here are a few pictures swiped from the Internets, along with the snarky comments as I remember them.

Got home in time to see Carrie Underwood performing in a golden bathingsuit with matching wrapper, topped off with a drag queen's idea of a bondage harness.

How else to you explain the big sleeves, the see through "skirt," and that black thing, with the sequins and the boob mashing? Was this her bid to look rock 'n' roll? Did she think it took her pretty little blonde self out of sweetness territory and into Woman To Be Reckoned With? Or was is just the only way she could attach her mic power box to her back?

She did have the shiny sparkly gold thing going on that we usually see on Beyonce--skin, hair, clothing all the same golden hue. I don't know the song, but her voice sounded like it was the Dangerous One.

Red Carpet Picture Randomness:

I don't know who Samantha Harris is, but has anybody seen Celine Dion recently? Have they ever been seen together?

Kanye West and Estelle performed "American Boy", Estelle wearing a sack from the Jetson Collection. They then went on to present the awad for best new artist, which Kanye took pains to point out had never been given to him. Dude. You have a career. Be glad you got that and STFU. Baby.

The award actually went to an English singer named Adele, who I wanted to love just because she was Carnie Wilson pre-bariatric surgery. However, Adele had her hair in a pony tail that was messy in a way that didn't say "carefully styled for casual" so much as it said "I got some in the limo on the way over here, and didn't have anybody who could fix it for me afterwards."

More Red Carpet Randomness: Is it just me, or does Barry Manilow look more like a bad Martin Short character than a real human being?

Also: Lisa Rinna. Girlfriend clearly works hard on the body, and wants to be sure that we all get a chance to see just how hard she does work. I have to admit, the big hair and the skin colored lips fooled me, and I didn't recognize her at all. Her interview technique for TV Guide Channel could use some work. Interviewing Boyz II Men, she offered the ever soigne "A lot of babies made to your music, I'm just sayin'." Ah--makes one almost nostalgic for Joan Rivers.

Sir Paul McCartney and Dave Grohl and some other guys do "I Saw Her Standing There," which holds up incredibly well for a song that has to be 40 years old. As Cpt. Sweetie pointed out, it's like somebody in 1975 coming out and singing the big hit "Twenty-three Skiddoo!"

This performance wins the coveted MAE Mosquito With A Ballistic Missile Award, for bringing in Dave Grohl--Dave frickin' Grohl, people--to play a Ringo Starr drum line. Talk about overkill.

How do we feel about this?

Do we really want to allow members of the Stridex Generation to pose around a National Treasure like Stevie Wonder? Singing his song when he is RIGHT THERE and could DO IT HIMSELF thank you very much it's not like being blind has held him BACK any.

Oh, and Kevin? Stop with the man perms.

Katy Perry. Katy Perry. What can we say about the Per-ster? "I Kissed A Girl" was a fun song, mostly because of the great rhythm section drive it had. It did not improve by seeing it performed by somebody descending to the stage in a giant banana.

I do not kid.

Points for performing in ballet flats, though. K.Per. was able to skip back and forth acros the stage and walkways without breaking tarsals, which seems like it's an idea that ought to be more popular. If you aren't already completely over this song:

But what happened? Remember all those "My Grammy Moment" ads run ad nauseum before the Grammys, and even the shilling for votes to "join Katy Perry as she performs" for the people who sent in video clips of themselves lip syncing to the song? What happened to them? As near as I could tell, the "winners" ended up being shown as video clips on big TVs at the back of the set. They could all have been "winners" at that rate--I'd feel cheated if I were them. Heck, I do feel cheated.

Anything else? John Mayer still skeeves me out; Coldplay are over-rated and over-rewarded; Lil' Wayne and the "Rap-estra" was still less heinous than all those old "Rockestras" from back in the day; MIA was incredibly pregnant and still performed--I wonder who they had in the wings to back her up if the baby actually decided to arrive on its due date.

What were your high and low moments?

No comments: