And "Sit" Means "Fetch"?

Bermondsey and I have started Puppy Kindergarten--we had our first class together last week. Bermondsey wants more time to socialize--there is no time to hang out at the lockers and gossip, which seems a shame. After all, that Dandy Dinmont is cute, but girlfriend? That poof on top of your head makes you look like a poodle.

And did you see what that German Shepherd did? He went right through the fence--he coulda cleared it easy, but instead he landed right on top of it! Twice! Ha ha.

The instructor has given us homework (can you believe it, says Bermondsey), and one of the tasks is to come up with a "release word." This is a word that you say to let your dog know that the exercise is over and he is free to move. Think about a dog lying down with a "stay" command. When its okay for him to get up again, you give him the release word.

The instructor has cautioned us against using a word that is too common--"okay" is NOT a good release word, because you will use it in non-release situations.

She uses "Kool-Aid," precisely because it is not a word she would ever use otherwise.

This has weird consequences, if you think about it. The dogs go nuts at the word "Kool-Aid," which just ain't right. And isn't there some value in having words that if someone else is working with your dog(s), they are likely to hit on? I'm thinking about Barbara Woodhouse, for example--I guess the current guy is The Dog Whisperer on cable. They take your dog and teach it manners, and there are standard phrases they use. Some standardization is probably a good thing.

Finally, what do you want to be saying to your dog in front of friends and dinner guests. "Kool-Aid" aint it. Same principle as naming your dog something you wouldn't be embarassed to run through the neighborhood calling. "Fluffikins" is a non-starter. "Kool-Aid" falls into the category of "too embarassing" as well.

But, heck--why not just go all out? Take your rottweiler/doberman/shepherd and teach it to run up and lick the face of someone at the command "Kill." Amuse your family, give heart attacks to your friends and acquaintances. Or train your poodle in French: "Assiez-vous, Fifi!"

Or pick totally off the wall languages--how does one say "release" in Urdu, or Serbo-Croatian? I mean, if you are trying to pick a word you wouldn't use otherwise.

I think I'm going to stick with "Okay."