Monday, January 14, 2008

Why I Don't Follow The News

I am growing increasingly crotchety these days, here in my desolate Stronghold of Evil, perched high atop Mount Impatience--especially about news. Even more especially about news about our President, who has managed to rub me the wrong way since Day 1.

I don't know what it is about him--maybe he's really a great guy and a ton of fun and charismatic to boot in person, but I just cannot stand to listen to the man. There I am, merrily running Errands of Evil in the Van of Evil, listening to the public radio news station, when BAM! There is the President in an audio clip about something that happened. And I cannot get the radio station changed fast enough. And then I have to go pour bleach into my ears to get the sound out as well.

One sign of my increasing Evil Geezerhood is that I have found myself talking back to my radio, and not saying helpful or even thoughtful things about our C-in-C. Just the other day, NPR was reporting on the President's Mid-East trip. The following dialogue between myself and my radio is substantially accurate in content, if not actually word-for-word correct.

Radio: President Bush has met with top Israeli and Palestinian leaders, and announced that the peace process can be completed on his watch, and that he has a deadline less than twelve months from now.

Me: Yes, because these people have been fighting for 60 years, but hey! Sure! You say we have to get it all done in the next 12 months because after that you're out of office? Anything you say!

Radio: President Bush says he believes that the peace process can be concluded before the end of his presidency.

Me: Yeah, well, President Bush believes he farts rainbows too.

Yes, I am embarrassed for myself. But not so embarrassed that I didn't post it.

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