When The Cure IS The Disease

So I saw the doctor at the lung clinic recently, about the sleep apnea and the usefulness of the machine. And--this is so embarassing--but I cried. I cried! Because really, I am trying so hard, and it is just not working.

I mean, I have this thing called the "Comfort" mask, which is a lot like something you would use to portray an elephant for an extended time, and not only is it heavy on my face, with a tendency to weigh down on my teeth, but it also is toxic. I wear it and I get a burning sensation on my skin--it feels like something out of Harry Potter, like it's a horcrux on my face or Delores Umbridge has assigned it to me for detention.

As I am sure I have groused about before, when I called in for some help, I got some very snotty lady who insisted that it wasn't happening, and I should just clean it and wear it looser. So I did. And not only did it not help the burning thing, but once it was looser, it just wobbled all over my face and made it hard to sleep.

This was confirmed when I went in for my appointment, and the electronic data showed that after I loosened the damn thing, it leaked like crazy and really was no help at all. So, remind me why I was using this thing? Oh yes, because I was not sleeping well. And with it? Surprise! Still not sleeping well!

My god. I mean, what do you do when the "cure" causes the exact same problems as the disease? I'll tell you what I do--I go to the doctor's office and cry. Yes, I am apparently as emotionally resilient as a toddler.

So, the doctor was sympathetic to my complaints, and I went in to meet with another technician who offered me a different mask--called something like a "nostril pillow," which only touches my face under my nose, and has two small bud-like projections to direct air into my nose. So, I tried that the first night. And guess what?!? That's right--it was even worse for sleeping than the other mask! Why? Because anytime I moved to my side, I would push the "pillow" into my pillow, and the whole thing would move sideways on my face. Which wasn't a problem for my face, but the little buds in my nostrils? Ouch! Let's just point out that there isn't much flexibility in cartilage, okay? I ended up sleeping with my neck muscles tensed so my face didn't touch my pillow.

Restful it was not. Even better was the fact that I was a good little DoBee and took the damn thing apart to wash it after the first night--and an important piece that held the whole thing together got lost. I think the dog might have gotten it. So, after one bad night, I didn't even have it any more.

So, back to the "comfort" mask, which I swathed in sterile gauze and cloth first aid tape. Some of it still got onto my skin, however, and I had a red mark along my cheek for the entire day. After three days of this nonsense, I was about on the point of tears again--I wore the damn thing, I suffered the painful reactions, and I STILL needed 9 or 10 hours of sleep each night. Plus, Mr. Sweetie noticed I was still snoring.

Yesterday, right before bed, I found the missing piece to the "nostril pillow," and apologized to the dog, who was innocent. I tried it again, and found it was less heinous than the first night I used it. Once again, I needed nine and a half hours of sleep before I woke up, and managed to start yawning before I had been awake an entire 12 hours!

You know, I read somewhere that Bill Clinton only slept about 4 hours a night while he was president. I can't even imagine that--how did he keep from walking into walls, and falling asleep at his own press conferences?

Anyway, for those few of you reading this for actual medical content, I can only say that I have another appointment in the near future, where the data should show some indication of the amount of air pressure that I need, and that a constant flow of air (rather than the variable amount I'm getting now as we attempt to calibrate my breathing) will make this whole thing more useful. Right now, my goal is to get to this next appointment with enough data to actually be useful, and to not cry!