Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Separated At Birth--Dallas Edition

Remember Dallas? Remember those poor, sad, repressed Ewing wives, who had to live at their in-laws fabulous enormous ranch, and had nothing to do all day but wait for their hubbies to get home from deal making, power brokering, moving and shaking? Remember poor Sue Ellen?

Ah, Sue Ellen--married to J.R. and probably the prototype desperate housewife. Everyone was mean to her, no one ever listened or spoke to her, and J.R. was hardly ever home. No wonder the poor girl took to drink. I'd drink if I had to be married to Larry Hagman, even for pretend.

Sue Ellen was the "bad" daughter in law. Pam, played by Victoria Principal, was the "good" one, and "bad" seemed to mean "drunk and willing to talk about her unhappiness." The make-up department did a good job of making her look harder and more mask-like as time went on. She was the one you could see would someday get suicidal, anything to get out of the hell house she was trapped in.

According to the internet, there is some discussion about reviving Dallas as a movie. There is much speculation that J.Lo would get this part. But if they do cast J.Lo, the producers will be overlooking a candidate who is already dressed and ready for the part.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Jessica Simpson. (Photo from the Met Costume Gala as fugged on Go Fug Yourself. Thanks, Fug Girls!)

I mean, she looks spectacularly trashy. The dark red lips already in a downturned grimace of jaded disappointment. The shiny shiny dress with too much cleavage, because she is trying to make J.R. jealous, plus she was drunk when she got dressed, and so she isn't sure if this is really the front of the dress. It sure is making Miss Ellie give her the skunk eye. She looks perfectly poised for a drunken row with her scumbag husband, which is the only thing that actually got her up and away from the liquor cabinet--she was sure she would see her no goodnik husband and could confront him with all the ways he's disappointed her. Like drinking and dialing, only in public.

J. Simpson's star has faded recently, and it looks like she's starting to feel as desperate as Sue Ellen always did. Let's give this girl something to do, shall we?

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