The Home has been without canine companionship for a little over 7 months now, and the desire for small happy faces at the doorway is growing. Earlier editions of woof at The Home were small, fuzzy-faced, and totally arrogant. "Hey!" they would say, "Hey! The service here is not acceptable! Where the heck is the biscuit I ordered 4 seconds ago? Hey!"
Which can be done if one is exceptionally cute, which these canines were. But having passed on to the Great Treat Bowl In The Sky (yes, they do have pizza delivery for dogs in heaven. It's HEAVEN, for pete's sake) we have been living in awoofless household and it's starting to get obvious that Something is Missing.
Thus, the great hunt for the right dog. Things are a bit on hold, as we have a Major Family Vacation coming up, and won't actually acquire the newest family member until after mid-May. But the dog breed books have started showing up in prominent places, and it's starting to frighten Mr. Sweetie. Even the most partisan reviews (hey, that'd be a good name for a magazine) of breeds reveal some questionable traits.
Active = hyperactive
Friendly = licks all available body parts obsessively
Stubborn = untrainable
Independent = will follow commands when it suits the dog
Companion dog = poops all over the house if left alone
Daily grooming required = shave the mats off the dog every 6 weeks
Loyal = has to be sedated to get mats shaved off every 6 weeks
Assertive = barks at anything that moves, including falling leaves
Unafraid = goes after dogs large enough to eat them for breakfast
So, the following exchange occurred between myself and Mr. Sweetie:
MS: So, it looks like the breeds you have chosen are kind of, well, high maintenance.
Me: Well, you know what they call a low-maintenance dog, don't you? They call it A CAT.
I hate it when he is right.
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