The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

So, the dog remains a really good dog--he's really a nice little boy. But, he remains a boy.

I've only had one other male dog in my lifetime, and he never had this--once he was neutered, he was neutered, if you know what I mean. The old boy never had an erection in his entire life. Not so for Bermondsey.

I came out of the laundry room tonight to see the dog standing guiltily in the hallway outside the Bunny's room. His head was hanging down and he was looking at me from under his bangs in a way that said "okay, so I pottied where I wasn't supposed to, and I'm really sorry, but I'm just a dog and so, if I'm really cute will you not be angry at me?" At least, that's what I thought, but there was no telltale puddle on the floor, or pile anywhere.

And on second glance, he was standing with his back hunched over, so I thought maybe he tried to poop and it got caught in the long hair on his backside. His tail was hanging down, not jauntily curled over his back as usual. But that wasn't it either.

But, oh my god, he had an erection nearly the length of his entire body! And he looked really embarassed about it!

Now, we've long suspected he was having intimate relationships with various stuffed animals that belong to the girlies. Barney is often discovered lying abandoned in the dining room, a fair distance from the upstairs bedrooms. And Mr. Bun-bun has tan fur very similar to Bermondsey's, and is roughly the same size. I have frequently mistaken him for the dog, especially as he is frequently found under the parlor chairs.

Tonight, these "companions" were still downstairs. There was, however, a suspicious wet patch on the quilt on one of the beds.

It's like the coda to the Gene Wilder sequence in "Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex*"--after ruining his life and career after being found having unnatural relations with sheep, Gene Wilder ends the movie lying on streetcorners, swilling Woolite.

Bermondsey spend part of the rest of the evening hiding in the closet. Who knew dogs were capable of Freudian acts?