OSCARS!!

I'm late to the red carpet, but I managed to catch Jacki Weaver standing over Daniel Radcliffe's shoulder, rubbing her teach to make sure there's no lipstick for her interview with Ryan "The Tool" Seacrest.

I predict this is the high point of the night.

Although Zoe Saldana's dress is architectural and fabulously understated.

Amy Adams and Amanda Seyfried look like the same person.

Octavia Spenser, looking awesome and amazing in an asymmetrical beaded and tulle-topped gown.

Is that a drawing of Bette Davis in an Edith Head dress in the background?

Kelly Osbourne--lose the purple hair. It's really not doing anything for you.

Amanda Seyfried's dress is the EXACT SAME color as Kelly's hair. Also, her eye shadow is the same color.

Split screen Amanda Seyfried and Jennifer Lawrence--again, two women, one look. Seyfried is also refusing to participate in the Seacrest Show--it's kind of obnoxious. Is there a "Big Showstopper Surprise" musical number that nobody knows about? Then answer the damn questions.

Sally Field in Red--Nice.

JLaw--now with Seacrest, and she totally towers over him. SHe's being charming, voluble, and looking creat in a white Dior, with an interesting find chain necklas that runs down her back. Love her classy hair, and the GIANT diamonds in the earrings.

Mani-Cam failure? That's a feature, not a bug!