OSCARS!! The Nine O'Clock Hour

Scientific and Technical Awards awarded by Star Trek actors? Well chosen dudes.

Ted is presenting--I don't like it. Not funny, not cute. Technically impressive, but a crudeness too far. Sound mixing--goes to a musical do you think? As someone who doesn't understand technical awards, that's what I would vote for. Apparently so does the rest of the Academy.

A TIE for sound editing! So nice they both get to win. I was afraid we were going to have to do something unsavory with the damn animated teddy bear to break it.

Now a Von Trapp Family Singers joke. Which works almost, until McFarlane laughs at his own set up. And then we introduce Christopher Plummer.  And now here we are with Supporting Actress. And I was right about Hathaway.  I like her, but I'm preparing for a lot of backlash in the recaps. I even like her pink Prada dress. Hey, I didn't know that she was married to a Baby Goose Celebrity Impersonator!

And what are the popcorn usherettes doing? Is that usual? To keep people from passing out before dinner?

ADELE is awesome. She changed her hair from the red carpet, and it's gorgeous. I kind of wish her dress were floor length, but then we wouldn't be able to see her sparkly shoes. She totally killed that song. (I checked, her shoes were not the ruby slippers Kristin Chenoweth was teasing during the red carpet--but if she clicks them together three times, will they take her home? Or to a world of bimetalist fiscal policy?)

And now Nicole Kidman, looking human and not at all plastic. The best picture nominees: Silver Linings Playbook, Django Unchained, and Amour. What ties these together--medical care/dentistry?

Dan Radcliffe and Kristin Stewart--I heard she was on crutches? Is that actually true? I wasn't paying attention. Production design goes to Lincoln--kind of predictable because so many of these go to period pieces. Not surprised to see Anna Karenina nominated, for example.

Snotty intro to Selma Hayek--she looks gorgeous, and she's using her second language. Let's see you be an artist in your non-native language, McFarlane. Thanks for being a jerk and a racist as well. These were pretty big awards given to big Hollywood players. Way to minimize them.