Saturday, April 04, 2009

Monsters vs. Aliens--in 3D!

Don't expect much from this movie, and you will be pleasantly surprised. The animation of the lead character, Susan, is as human as anything done by CGI. Which is to say, that she is delightfully rendered and one of the first human computer animated characters to be able to star. There is a reason the first most successful such movies were about toys and robots and cars. . .

Stephen Colbert plays the President. As such, he steps forward to greet the alien robot, and is nearly crushed. I can think of quite a few actual presidents I would rather sacrifice to an alien in order to save Stephen Colbert. That man is quite literally a national treasure.

Dilemma: one of our characters is a gelatinous blob with no brain. Who to cast, who to cast? Gelatinous. Brainless. Blob. Hmmmm. Brainless blob. I'm thinking. I'm thinking. . . .why is Seth Rogan standing in my office?

When Susan gets hit by a meteor, and subsequently grows to 50 feet tall at the altar on her wedding day, why does her skirt tear off, and her garter snap, but the dress says in place? "BECAUSE IT'S A KID MOVIE. DUH."

Why is the Missing Link a fish-man?

Hugh Laurie--still amazing even as a cockroach.

Note to self: when lecturing daughters on Men To Avoid, include TV weathermen.

Movies have Secret Government Facilities all wrong. They would never be hundreds of stories underground, clad in steel with automatic doors and high tech hovercraft. They would be in boring concrete buildings, with walls painted industrial green, full of old cubicles with mismatched chairs and poor climate control. Trust me on this. The roof would also leak.

Is paddle ball the "secret handshake" of 3D movie makers, and that's why it's in every one?

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