Fashion ADD

I know, you all come here for incisive political commentary, fabulous commentary on Issues of the Day, and kick ass parenting tips. Right?

Well, even so, today's entry will address the worldwide shortage of fashion insights by Evil Mistresses. Really--no thanks are necessary!

Birthday Barbie

A million years ago, when my kids played with Barbie dolls, one of them got the "Birthday Barbie" as a birthday present. She came with an odd assortment of accessories, including a balloon and a blowout. By inserting the end of either item into her mouth, and then attaching the GlamourWhooppeeCushion to her back, Barbie could operate the blowout or inflate the balloon! Great fun for little girls. For Evil minded girls like me, however, I couldn't help but see her as "Blow Job Barbie," her lips slightly but permanently parted and the hole in the center.

Somehow, in the intervening decade, I had thought this particular excrescence had been discontinued. Imagine my surprise when I find out I was wrong:



















Interestingly enough, this "album" cover was heavily Photoshopped and put on the cover of Australia's answer to Cosmo, where it was deservedly fugged.

The Emmys

We "missed" the Emmys a week ago. If you call "not watching a ceremony about people we don't recognize winning awards for TV shows we don't watch" the same as "missing" it. Especially since we were out on the boat on a glorious late summer evening instead. . .

But I never miss the chance to check out fashions. So imagine my horrified glee to see this one:



















"What!?!?" I cried. "What the heck is Pheobe Price doing at the Emmys? Surely nobody has actually cast her on a show?"

Then I looked at the caption and realized that this was not the infamous "P squared," but instead Christina Hendricks from the period melodrama "Mad Men." What a relief.

My relief was shortlived, however, because the very next picture I saw WAS Ms. Price, trying too hard as usual:



















Oh well.

Jonas Brothers

Sometimes, it's fun to squick out the kids by pretending to crush on the latest prefab preteen item. This year's model is apparently the Jonas Brothers. So, while I am old enough to be their mother. . .I mean, older sister, at least I know who they are. And while my kids were dissing them as lame, I offered "Well, I think Kevin is kinda cute." The looks of horror on the girls' faces were priceless.

But really, how bad is this?



















In my defense, he is 21, and thus as old as I was when I got married. So I'm not TOTALLY out of line.

So, why in the name of all that is Evil, Kevin, did you go and get a man perm?



















There is nothing good to say about this, except maybe that it doesn't look any worse than Mike Brady looked, back in the day.