Monday, November 30, 2009

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary Concert--in Pretend Real Time

Oh boy, tonight HBO is airing the R&R Hall of Fame concert that took place last month. Live blogging begins!

Except it doesn't, because it's Monday morning, and the concert aired last night. But we can play "Let's Pretend" anyway.

7:12 p.m. Pulled up in front of the house after driving back from Thanksgiving in Kansas. The trunk has been unloaded and now it's time to unpack. R&RHOF concert starts on HBO at 8.

7:30 p.m. I've unpacked my suitcase, returned toiletries to their usual location, sorted laundry into baskets.

7:34 p.m. On the internet, checking email. Checking with family--does a day spent in the car with lunch at 2:30 mean never having to say you are hungry?

7:53 p.m. Back upstairs to turn on the TV and hang up the remaining pieces of unpacked clothing.

7:53:30 p.m. Dammit! How old do I have to be to remember that when HBO says something starts at 8, that means EST, not CST! The concert has already started, and a strangely hairy Sting is singing with Stevie Wonder.

7:53:40 p.m. Capt. Sweetie has arrived as well. "Superstition" remains a really great song. Stevie Wonder remains blind.

8:xx p.m. Okay, this live-blogging conceit is out the window, because I have no idea what time anything is happening. A strangely elderly and thin haired Paul Simon walks onstage. I have PTSD flashbacks to FIL turning on a Pat Boone special on Public Television. Is Paul Simon older than Pat Boone? He kind of looks like it.

Paul Simon at the R&R HOF concert.

Pat Boone, who was NOT at the R&R HOF Concert.

8:xx:27 p.m. According to the Internet, Pat Boone is a mere 7 years older than Paul Simon, while Paul Simon's wife, Edie Brickell, is 25 years younger than Art Garfunkel. If they leave on a train from Chicago traveling east at 87 m.p.h., will the signs of the prophets still be written on the subway walls?

8:whatever p.m. Art Garfunkel looks like an elderly clown, but he still has a wonderful voice.

8:diva o'clock. Stand back. That's Aretha!

8:diva o'clock:03. No. Really. Stand back. 'Retha is a big woman in red, which is not slimming. She still rocks the syncopation like nobody else.

8:2 divas o'clock. Annie Lennox is not HIV positive, but she wears a shirt saying she is on TV. This activism is confusing me.

8:xx p.m. Metallica comes onstage behind the notation "Inducted 2009." I have zero interest in Metallica, and now everybody is hungry. I go to call for pizza as Lou Reed comes on to do "Sweet Jane." Brilliant.

Pizza o'clock. Capt. Sweetie comes down to report that Ozzy Osbourne has just said "fuck" precisely elventy-seven times during two songs. Then ended his appearance by blowing kisses to the audience and calling "God bless you." We start drinking.

Pizza arrives as U2 is announced. Much fan boy/girl squee-ing from the alleged adults in the house. The teen-agers suffer the nerdiness in order to get fed.

Quarter past Bono. Springsteen and Patti Smith appear to do "Because the Night." Everybody chez Evil pronounces it "BE-cause" which sounds stupid. Patti has some trouble with the song, but the whiskey voice is still there.

Is that Bruce Springsteen or John de Lancie (known around these parts as "Q" from Star Trek TNG)? You be the judge.

Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For/Promised Land. More brilliance.

Mick Jagger and Fergie rip into "Gimme Shelter" and do the unimaginable--Bono steps away from the microphone and gets out of their way.

I didn't know Fergie had the chops to take on Jagger, but the two of them are FIERCE.

Hip for hip, lip for lip, these two are well matched. Possibly the best moment of the show. Jagger then refers to U2 as the "house band" and Bono confronts the reality that U2 should be playing "weddings, bar mitzvahs. . ."

Mom o'clock. Kid needs help with math, so I turn off the TV and dredge up geometry facts that are older than the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Thank gods HBO does re-runs.

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