Wednesday, March 25, 2009

All About Camoflauge

It is a well known fact that herbivores must remain active throughout the desert day, as they must constantly seek and consume grasses. Thus, the highly specialized herbivore, the golf ball, can be found in its natural grassy habitat throughout all daylight hours.


















The wily golf ball, cautiously approaching a water hole.



This means that those who would prey on the golf ball must also be active, even when the sun is high and the visibility is good. The successful golfer must be prepared for many different terrains and exposures.

This explains the recently discovered (by me) and named (also by me) Distinctive Golfer Banding. Evolutionary science now has the answer to why so many retired men living in golf communities have developed banded legs. Current research is ongoing as to whether the age and handicap of the golfer can be calculated by the visible banding.

Some are noticeably banded around the ankle, with pale, soft colored feet, and a demarcation above the ankle bone.



















A clearly marked ankle band.

A slightly lower line can sometimes be discerned below the ankle bone. It is not known whether this is inconsistent with an upper ankle band, or might even be limited to the female of the species.


















Above and below the ankle banding.

More commonly found is the mid-calf band, which can be found both with and without the ankle banding. In the latter case, the mid-calf band is more striking when there is no secondary banding below the ankle.

Rarely is seen the below-the-knee band, although scientists are divided as to whether this is simply because Scottish golfers in their native land never experience sun, or whether they are genetically incapable of developing this uniquely male banding. Scientists from Scotland themselves insist it's because they are too manly, and too busy tossing cabers and drinking whiskey to develop this mark.

Traditionally, the knees are the epicenter for the darkest color of the banding, followed by a fairly universal stripe no more than two inches above the kneecap. Some researchers have reported the existence of another line as much as 4-6 inches above that one, although this mark is not universally observable during times of peak golfer activity.





















Banding visible away from golf ball hunting grounds.

Similar to leg banding is arm banding, although this is not as unique to the golfer, and is rarely visible due to the golfer's sleeve length being statistically invariable.

Once golfer leg banding has been thoroughly studied, science can move on to other forms of this distinctive human marking.



1 comment:

Smadraji said...

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