Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Big Questions About the Universe Answered Here

Mr. Sweetie has been painting the parlor in anticipation of our new furniture (which arrives on TUESDAY! I can't wait!). This evening, thanks to his iPod playlist we now know:

There is such a thing as too much Edith Piaf.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Dog In The Manger

Perhaps you've heard the phrase "dog in the manger." It's derogatory, arising from a fable in which a dog enters a barn, but can't eat the hay. Even though he can't eat it, he won't give it up to the barn animals who would eat it. In some versions, the dog pees on the hay so no one can eat it.

Obviously, Aesop never met Bermondsey. Ever since the snow melted and the grass began to turn green, a walk around the neighborhood is like a trip to the world's longest salad bar. Bermondsey eats grass. There are some particular spots--under a picket fence, along a railroad tie retaining wall--where the grass is rarely cut because the mower can't reach. These are his favorite spots to stop and gnaw.

The design flaw is obvious immediately. Dog teeth just are not made to pluck grass, much less chew it. Yet he patiently works the blades over until he gets something in his mouth.

Better still, however, is when we give the guinea pig her daily hay. I opened a new bag of hay today, and after filling the hay rack, I put the rest into a large storage bin to keep it out of reach of varmints. Bermondsey was up on his hind legs immediately, with his nose in the piles and piles of yummy hay, and he grabbed what he could before the lid went back on. Then he nosed around for what fell out of the guinea pig cage.

It's also inconvenient, because now he won't potty in the yard anymore--because he doesn't want to foul his salad bowl, I guess.

You Shall Know Them By Their Color!

Hello, I am the Mistress of All Evil, and I am a Disney trading pin addict.

(Hello, Mi-mumble mumble what did she say her name was, can you have that as a name?)

Sadly, this is a rapidly progressing disease, and I seem to have very few defenses for it. I have drawn some lines, and tend to focus on a few of the more classic characters: Sleeping Beauty, Pooh, Belle.

But I'm particularly fond of the Bad Girls:

Ursula the Sea Witch from Little Mermaid;

the Evil Queen from Snow White,

and (of course) the original Mistress of All Evil, Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty.

The junior auxiliary to the Bad Girls are the Not Bad Just Drawn That Way Corps: Megara from Hercules, and Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

All of them (except for Ursula) are just dead sexy: beautiful, lean, elongated, elegant and dangerous. Ursula doesn't have the looks, but she's got a GREAT song and she pushes all the diva buttons, so she's obviously got to be included. Plus, she uses her magic for evil and turns into the lean, elongated and dangerous Vanessa in order to make the Prince marry her instead of the Little Mermaid.

Anyway, they are all the things I am not but would like to have a bit more of. I'm afraid I'm genetically incapable of carved cheekbones and high arched eyebrows. I'm not exactly short, but I'm no more than average height, and I'm well on the way to being the shortest person in my family. I'm in no way elongated: even during a brief period of being seriously underweight, I was far to curvy to carry off that leggy lean look. Most of all, I'm not direct and straightforward the way they are: They know what they want, and they don't hesitate to get it.

However, there is one other thing they all have in common: they all wear purple. The baddest of them wear purple and black. It's like there's color theory in Disney movies: the ones who are good wear blue and pink and yellow, and the Bad Girls are in purple. Even Meg, who only starts out bad against her will and ends up good, wears lavender.

So, short curvy round-faced nice old me--purple is my favorite color!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

PMS = Punish Men Severely?

The husband of a friend of mine made this acronym--that PMS stands for Punish Men Severely. Of course, that's not true, because then it would be all about the guys, when we all know it's all about...ME.

Which is to say that at least there is a medical explanation about why I looked into my closet today and found ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to wear. So, of course, I had to put something on to wear for just long enough for me to go buy something new. It is, in fact, a medical expense that ought to be covered as a drug benefit--do not laugh: retail therapy will become recognized as a non-experimental regimen which alleviates many of the symptoms of PMS.

Along with chocolate--thank goodness we had extra Easter candy around this week--and the rum and diet Cokes (caffeine free) that I was craving all week. At least there is a medical explanation for my unassuageable cravings.

So, what does PMS stand for? Try these:

Pour Me S'moretequila (slur these together--it's how it sounds anyway)
Purchase More Shoes
Provide Many Snacks
Prolonged Money Spending

Operators are standing by to take your suggestions and to tally your preferences. As they say in Chicago: Vote Early And Often!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Off Leash and Loving It

We finally found the St. Paul off-leash dog park, and boy is Bermondsey having a good time! All kinds of dogs in a huge park with hills and trees and puddles and trails and big dogs and little dogs and the whole thing is just so great!

There is definitely some shepherding in his genetic makeup, as he loves to run in huge curves back and forth, up and down hills, his legs stretching full length and his fur blown back from the speed. He's practically generating G forces.

He likes other dogs, a great deal, but he especially likes the big dogs. He can be slightly obnoxious because he wants them to go running with him--I guess he likes the challenge of keeping up. He was absolutely blissed out yesterday when a pair of golden retrievers showed up and began fetching a tennis ball with their owner. Bermondsey had no interest in the ball itself, he just wanted to run.

Sadly, it appears that most large dogs are either congenitally even tempered, or have been well trained--very few of them really want to just take off. Occasionally one will run for a while, but we've found Bermondsey gets really good reactions from the dogs that are close to his size. They don't run to exhaustion like he wants to, but they will take off, and then start exploring the trees and all the good doggie smells.

If only they served pizza and peanut butter, I think this would be Doggie Heaven.

Waking Up Is Hard To Do

The kidlets are getting to an age where life is too much fun to give up and go to sleep, but the mornings are REALLY hard to handle when school starts at the ungodly hour of 8 a.m.

This morning, it took both Mr. Sweetie and me to get them rousted. At one point, the Bunny was crawling deeper and deeper into the covers, so Mr. Sweetie picked up a pillow and began to schwapp her with it. A giant Pooh Bear pillow, with which he proceeded to (gently) beat her about the head and ears.

There is so much wrong with that--the Pooh Bear Morning Smackdown!

Excuses, schmexcuses!

Not blogging.


To eBay.

Just step away from the PayPal, and no one will get hurt.

Damn you, Disney Pins!

Friday, April 07, 2006

I Miss The Mouse

Spring is stuggling to establish itself here in the Frozen North. We've had a couple of days with sunshine, when it is possible to walk outside and THEN remember you've forgotten your jacket...and then realize that you don't really need it.

Against south-facing brick walls, spring bulbs are sprouting: some are three and four inches tall already. It's slightly amazing to see that much new green growing.

I miss DisneyWorld.

While we were there, the weather was absolutely perfect--sunny and breezy and incredibly pleasant. The parks were green, green GREEN, with flower beds all abloom. Trees were in leaf, not like the hard little nubbins of buds visible here. I miss all the happy happy people, and being on vacation.

I want to go back. Now.

The kidlets and I had an abortive mission to the zoo today--it actually closes at 4 this time of year, which makes it hard to get there after school lets out at 3. And, as long as we were already driving south, why not just keep going? I mean, it would only be about 2 more days of driving to get there, right? And, wouldn't it be worth it?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

What Becomes A Vacation Most?

So, vacation was fabulous. I'm still in denial that I'm back to my real life. Everyone else in the family has gone back to school and work, but I'm still pretending that I'm on vacation. The laundry situation has gotten to the point where I can't ignore THAT any longer, though, so I guess I'm back.

But--what a great trip! Having your bags claimed at the airport and delivered to your room...wonderful. Having a hotel room on Disney property with a view of Cinderella's castle from the window...magical. Being on a prepaid meal plan that requires only to select where and what to eat...convenient and cooking free! Days of sunshine, breeze and 80 degrees, evenings of 65...truly being away from the ordinary. Seeing the tears of happiness in the eyes of the kidlets when they met their favorite characters (Pooh and Sleeping Beauty)...worth every penny.

Calling home for voicemail and hearing there is a snow emergency and knowing that if you were home, you'd be digging out from 8 inches of additional snowfall...priceless!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Vocabulary Test

The Bunny announced yesterday:

"A city is basically an entanglement of streets."

Has she been into the SAT flashcards again?