Okay, I'll Tell You...If You Beg

So, I can't stop thinking about Madame Tussaud's. Yes we went there on our first day in London, yes we were grubby with travelling all night on the air plane, yes we were falling asleep on the Tube--

So of course we went to Madame Tussaud's. Let me tell you, it's a different kind of wax museum. We had been to the wax museum in San Francisco, down at Fisherman's Wharf not long ago, and that's what I expected--life-sized dioramas of Important Dead White Guys signing fake papers, and recreations of Famous Artworks, and some Movie Stars (does anyone really want to see Nicholas Cage in wax?)! All safely behind glass, or roped off, or in a separate room or something.

Not at Madame Tussaud's. I guess it's so expensive because they have to keep replacing the figures. In the first "gallery" the Stars! are all standing around as if its a really dead Hollywood party, and you can go up to them. Really! And take a picture so it looks like you are really there with a famous Hollywood personage. In your travel clothes with jet lag, which is how I go to all my Hollywood parties, don't you?

Kylie Minogue is crawling across the top of a piano, and apparently the costume budget for that figure is higher than average because they have to keep replacing her 50p panties. That's right--apparently grabbing wax ass is popular over there.

Simon Caldwell sits grumpily on a sofa--and you can sit next to him! And put your hand on your chin and be grumpy too!

JLo stands alone in the center of the room in a taupe dress with her head turned over her shoulder, making moues at the paparazzi (I'm just guessing here). Does she look so real because of the craftman's skill, or is it because she really does look like wax?

Aww, how cute--there sits the George Clooney figure at a fancy dining table, a fake bottle of champagne on ice, and you can sit across from him as he holds your hand. Say "NO! I will not marry you, so stop asking me" very loudly as someone snaps your picture. Everybody back home will really think you had dinner with George. No, really! They will!

Britney Spears was off the floor--refurbishment, or faded from public demand? You make the call. In her place was a terrible "Beyonce Knowles" which just looked like some catalogue model who had thrown out her hip. Also in place were some British people that even with nameplates I didn't know who they were, but one looked creepily like a creepy Jack Nicholson. Okay, that was redundant.

So, you continue to walk through the museum, and most of the figures are truly within touching distance, although very few people actually touched them that I saw. David Beckham (in football uniform) looked very real, and quite handsome in a way that most photos don't catch. He has two figures in the museum--the second one is with Posh. You can add a feather boa and be professionally photographed with the two of them. I passed.

Let's see--HRH QEII has a really bad wig--far too large for her head. Princess Di is on a small dias, so she's even taller than usual, and she has a disapproving look on her pursed lips. Hitler is very short. No one pays any attention to the Prince Phillip and Prince Charles mannequins. There is no Camilla.

I refused to look at the W one.

There is an "animatronic" ride that shows the "Spirit of London" if by spirit you mean a couple of famous characters (QEI, Shakespeare), the Black Plague, Twiggy, and then a hot air balloon (?!?) with a punk and some other people in it. Was it too short--did it go by to quickly, or was it a kindness that it was over so quickly?

Ah well, the kidlets liked it. And we all slept well that night.