More Better Words of Wisdom

You know one of the signs that it's Christmastime? The innumerable catalogs that arrive, purporting to answer all your shopping needs and providing the "perfect present." Many many of them come in one door and go right out again in the recycling bin. I sort of feel guilty about this--I mean, so many people have worked hard to assemble these glossy bits of temptation: photographers, buyers, layout artists, writers trying to find the ten millionth different way to say "BUY ME!" All that effort, and I don't even crack the covers.

But really, I do it in self defense. It's like sympathetic pregnancy--once I start shopping for other people, I find all sorts of things I suddenly discover I can't do without. Even though I didn't even know they existed until I opened the catalog. But now! I need it! And as long as I'm spending money anyway. . .

Do you think they put some sort of hallucinogen into the paper, which works to give us the illusion that we need this stuff? That we can actually use it, or even have a place for it in our houses once it arrives? You know, that same stuff that they make M&Ms out of, that make it so you can't stop eating them. Only the shopping version.

Well, a catalog came in today, and Mr. Sweetie actually delivered it to me, saying "This is for you, I ain't even touching it!" He knows his grammatical rules cold, so he breaks them sometimes for effect.

I looked at the magazine, which looked harmless in itself. The cover cockily asserted "Something for Everyone On Your List!" A glass snowman wearing a glass jester's hat tilted jauntily across the page, and a couple of red and white peppermints added to the festive scene. What made Mr. Sweetie react so strongly to this particular mailing.

So, I just looked at him quizzically. "It's got stuff in there like 'If it's got tires or testicles, it's going to give you trouble'" he blurted. Ahhh, I understand. A purveyor of those Female Empowerment Through Bashing Males kind of tchotkes. But, since he'd delivered it, I took a cautious glance through.

So far, I haven't found anything particularly insulting, but I did find this, which may have to be my new Words To Live By:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!

Should you wish to own this particular motto on an attractive knotty pine decor sign with rustic finish, it is available here.