When Boobs Misbehave

Rachel Griffiths' Right Boob: Okay, we've been spotted, I'm going to make a break for it.

Rachel Griffiths' Left Boob: Wha. . .? What are you doing?

Rachel Griffiths' Right Boob: I think the guy in the dark suit and sunglasses is a cop. The jig is up. I'm heading to our hide-out in the armpit over here.

Rachel Griffiths' Left Boob: (hissing) You get back here! You can't leave, we're on the red carpet, for gods' sakes! We're surrounded by photographers! You'll never make it!

Rachel Griffiths' Right Boob: Look, I've arranged a diversion. Those wrinkles down the front are going to grab all the attention while I make my getaway.

Rachel Griffiths' Left Boob: No they're not! They're just what happens when satin gets into a limo--they've all seen it before.

Rachel Griffiths' Right Boob: Then the clutch! What is a clutch for, anyway, except a diversionary tactic to take attention away from something that might be going wrong!

Rachel Griffiths' Left Boob: That's not going to work! She didn't bring the bright colored one OR the one covered with sparkles--Eva Longoria Parker got that one. You don't have a chance with that bland thing she's got that's the exact same color as her hands. Look--you are NOT leaving me here alone to take the blame for this!

Rachel Griffiths' Right Boob: But I can't get caught! Salma Hayek's boobs tried to get away, and now they are locked up tight! I'm too young to go to prison!